Horse Vets are Like, Scary Smart

Although you may be bored of hearing details of white collar crimes, this story should interest even the most jaded news hounds.  David Brooks, former CEO of a body armor company, is on trial for stock fraud, insider trading and using company funds to pay for lavish personal items such as cosmetic surgery for his wife, prostitutes for his staff, and a $100,000 belt buckle.  At least some of this money was yours.  That is, Mr. Brooks’ body armor company had military contracts and so taxpayer money was used to buy body armor from him for troops overseas as well as local police.

But of course, if you are cooking the books at your company, you have to find some way to deal with the money men – the people in charge of making sure your books are straight.  Specifically of concern to Mr. Brooks was his CFO, Dawn Schlegel.

[Lightbulb Moment!]

So Mr. Brooks came up with an ingenious idea:  Get the vet who looks after his racehorses to invent a memory erasing pill!  Said pill could then be slipped into Ms. Schlegel’s drink and voila – she knows nuffink about any funny math on the company books.  An excellent and foolproof plan with only one drawback:  There is no such thing as a memory erasing pill.

And so Mr. Brooks sat and listened this year as Ms. Schlegel, her memory apparently intact and keen, spent 23 days testifying against him[...]

D’oh!

I wish I could afford a stable of racehorses and a vet to take care of them.  I’d tell that vet to invent a pill that could make me immune to government control by such evil things as bar codes and the census.

And Now For Something Completely Different

So how does this grab you?

Twelve bottles of The End Of History ale have been made and placed inside seven dead stoats, four squirrels and one hare.

Before you make up your mind, consider these words from the brewer’s co-founder:

”The impact of The End Of History is a perfect conceptual marriage between taxidermy, art and craft brewing. The bottles are at once beautiful and disturbing – they disrupt conventions and break taboos, just like the beer they hold within them.”

[...]

“The animals used to bottle The End Of History all died of natural causes – better to be celebrated and valued than left to rot.”

Here’s your VIP (Very Important Poll):

Let’s Play Oddball

Sponsored results Fail

Yorkie rats out cheating wife to family

Speaking of rats – not for microwave use

Frenchie just wants to have fun

Is this every dog owner’s worst nightmare?

Cat on cat

I’m sure this coffee table is expensive but I bet your kitty would say “Buy!”

Cat head found in cat food can

Search Term Chaos

In no particular order, rhyme or reason, here is a random sampling of search terms which have led inquiring minds to the blog…

racharl ray kills dogs
nutro kills
PITBULLS KILLING
make bleev dogs
animals food getting

biscuit YES

pony rider women movies

pissing
porn sc
rape rack
what is a rape rack
rape rack michael vick

what is chinese name for eggshell powder

am i legally responsible to keep my dog out of the neighbours garden,even though the fence is in disrepair and is his responsibility

my dog weighs 5 pounds over heartworm

Let’s Play Oddball

Who needs summer school?

The second ad on this page has a ghost llama in the window. Which is awesome.

I’m envisioning a herd of cats rubbing themselves silly on a herd of cattle

Well thank goodness for modern medicine

Hey Hey We’re the Monkeys

Cheating on dog/cat cake decorating

Protecting habitat for your state bird: ur doin it rong

Apparently this monkey’s candidate did not win the Presidential election in Zambia

Well officer, it was an emergency 3am horse chasing incident

Traffic cops in Australia are apparently very bored

Let’s Play Oddball

If anyone actually signs a pet up for this, please let us know how it goes

I am a sucker for this type of thing: Unusual Animal Friendships

Offspring of Boston Terror wants to find & eat your dog

Lost dog: I hate it when that happens

Could you produce 5 neighbors in favor of your dog in court?

Should be easy to hide: “Man with Britney Spears tattoo accused of stealing Chihuahua with pink earrings from gay bar”

Python in CA yard, another at Serbian ATM and still another in English woman’s shopping bag (Papillon mix hero in that story)

Let’s Play Oddball

Not too many oddities this week that really struck my fancy…

Wedding party tuxedo savings

OK – what?

Crappy Taxidermy:
Q: Am I supposed to be scary?
A: I have no idea.

Cute alert: That’s just ducky.

Let’s Play Oddball

Vibrating litter box scoop

Tossing around the old pigskin

Did you personally pack your suitcase?

Owner tries to bust Pitbull out of pound, gets caught despite having an accomplice and two-way radios

Cops skeptical of the old snakes-in-the-pants story (Swine flu excuse for drunk driving also questionable)

Vegas tiger teaches magicians how to disappear

What’s for dinner?

Mosquitoes forced by scientists to do good

Wrong and Wronger

Wrong:

Wronger:

The DoggieLoverDoll is a sex toy for male dogs.

Sorry, no vid.

Let’s Play Oddball

Dogman vid – now enhanced!

Female bear smarter than the average

Blind dog has guide dog

Should we impose a ban on canaries now?

Poacher’s trap left baby elephant for dead but Cambodian rescuers saved him with a prosthetic foot

Oh honey, I do

Pet eagle not interested in your stupid human tricks

Dog translator comes with answering machine

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